January 29, 2007
Yes, it will probably still hurt ::
personal — tagged broken leg and pain
12:55 pm
Someone found this site by asking Google “I broke my femur [five] weeks ago, should I still be in pain?” Speaking only from my own experience, I definitely continued to experience some pain five weeks after my accident, especially after spending hours in the same place. Generally I found that maintaining a certain level of activity, however minimal, was key to my own pain management. And also remember that pain is tied intimately to your emotions, and therefore what seems like only a mild discomfort to me might be unbearable for you.
January 8, 2007
How I’m feeling ::
personal — tagged broken leg, cycling, vermont and work
8:56 pm
Recently I’ve had a lot of people asking how I’ve been doing, mostly with regard to the broken leg, but also in a more general sense. I realized this evening that it has also been quite some time since I last updated this site, so I figured that I would write down the answer to both of those questions, mostly for the sake of being able to remember what it was like at this point in the healing process.
As far as the broken hip is concerned, it’s been healing nicely. Every day it seems I regain some bit of strength and/or mobility in my leg, and each new development reminds me what it’s like not to have to lived with constant pain and weakness in my leg. I’m also able to move around without crutches for short distances. Granted, it’s definitely a hobbling motion, and probably looks a bit ridiculous, but realizing that I’m able to move around without the aid of crutches or—my gosh—a walker does wonders for my morale. I also purchased a trainer just before the New Year, and it arrived at the house today. I spent about 30 minutes on it while I did laundry this evening, and was able to push hard enough to raise my respiration and break a sweat. Granted, it wasn’t nearly the workout I became accustomed to before my accident, but it is something. And like my hobbling, it reminds me of what it’s like to not be broken, and makes me look forward to the day when I’ll be able to take on a 25-mile jaunt to East Calais.
More generally, I’ve been so busy with work that the days have just flown by. The Legislature went back into session the week after New Years, and since then we’ve seen an explosion of activity. Every day I go into work and am reminded of how much I love the work that I do. It’s exhausting, sure, and it takes quite some time to get used to working full time after taking that extended leave of absence after taking the bar exam, but I’ll get used to it again. And I know that it will all be over in a flash and then who knows what will happen next. But hopefully it will entail some time off so I can catch up with family and friends and maybe squeeze in some late Spring traveling.
So I’m still feeling frustrated at times, but overall things are looking up. Being able to see good things in life is definitely a sign I’m on the mend.
January 1, 2007
2006, in retrospect ::
personal — tagged 2006, broken leg, new years and retrospective
8:51 pm
So, happy new year to all readers of this site. I hope the beginning of 2007 finds you happy and healthy, and in the company of people you know and love. I felt compelled to write a New Years post this year in part because my recent accident reminded me of my own mortality, but mostly because of how much things have changed since this time last year and it’s worthwhile to make note of it here.
In January, 2006 I was still in a long-term relationship, was about to enter my final semester of law school, and was on my way to Alabama to visit friends and visit Civil Rights-era historical sites. I knew that my life would change substantially in the upcoming year, but at that point I really had not idea whatsoever what would happen to me or, for that matter, what choices I would make that would fundamentally change my life. Completing law school was a big deal, definitely, but the most substantial change has been the breakup, mostly because up until June of last year, I had been planning out a future—at least nominally—with another person, but in the matter of one evening all of those plans just, well, disappeared, and I suddenly was living a life of chaos while I tried to figure out just what was going to happen to me next.
Since then I have taken the Vermont Bar exam, lived on the verge of homelessness for a few weeks, traveled to the Midwest, traveled to California, moved into a new place in Montpelier, made a bunch of new friends, passed the Vermont bar exam, dealt with the newness and excitement—as well as the loneliness and insecurity—of being 30 and single, received my license to practice law, broke my first bone, and gone in for my first full-blown surgical procedure. So, the last emergency notwithstanding, I’ve come along pretty well in my effort to make a new life for myself. But with that, I think one day I will look back on this year with a sense of nostalgia, remembering it as a pivotal time when I started a new phase in my life. But right now all I can think about is how emotionally and intellectually trying it’s been, and I want to just move on to 2007.
December 24, 2006
Healing: A song list ::
music — tagged broken leg, buffalo, family, indie rock, music, personal and travel
12:13 pm
So I’m back in Buffalo for Christmas. The trip here was exhausting. After an eight hour car ride I tumbled from my dad’s car with a stiff leg feeling very, very cranky. My time here overall has been fun, and it’s been nice to show family members that, even though I’m still on crutches and have still-unhealed surgery scars, my condition has improved dramatically from the day I was discharged from the hospital. Also, it’s been fun to show off my x-rays and watch people squirm when I point out the fracture that starts from my hip and spirals around my femur.
So, with introductions aside, I put this mix together a couple of weeks ago while in the hospital, high on Percocet. I’m pretty happy with the sound of this one, much moreso than Winterish or the Fall mix. In part the outcome is the result of my immobility at the time, which allowed me the concentration and time it takes to make a good mix. But also, I think it’s an indication that drugs and rock and roll really do go together quite well.
Halloween by Matt Pond PA: Is it un-hip for an indie rock snob to actually like Matt Pond PA? No matter what the critics might say about the band’s artistic shortcomings, I fell for this song long before it would have otherwise been tainted by other’s opinions. And it’s dramatic lyrics, combined with the piano, acoustic guitar, and pedal steel make for a really seductive sound.
Pushover by The Long Winters: I first found this song over the summer, through a Music for Robots post. Since then the track has appeared and reappeared on a variety of playlists and mix CD’s I’ve put together. I finally picked up the CD at Amoeba Records when I was in SF in August.
Don’t Call Me Whitney, Bobby by The Islands: “Bones, bones, brittle little bones,” go the opening lyrics of this track. When I first added it to the list, I didn’t even think about how apropos to my condition the song actually was—I was thinking more about just how pretty the song is. But boy, does this one fit perfectly.
The End’s Not Near by Band of Horses: Band of Horses covering a song by The New Year for the OC Soundtrack. I really don’t know that much about The OC, but the track is really great—it’s an interesting reinterpretation of the original version of the song, in which the band makes the song their own.
Steps and Numbers by Appleseed Cast: They’re such a curious band, which moved from a straight ahead (and pretty annoying) Midwestern emo outfit to a post-rock band with a melodic, unique sound. So far, Low Level Owl has been the high point of their sound for me, but I also haven’t heard any of their most recent releases. But that’s on my to-do list, definitely.
Sukie in the Graveyard by Belle and Sebastian: I don’t love the album, but I do love this song. It does a great job of snapping the mix back into line after the more airy, nebulous sound of the previous track.
Hard Bargain by Ron Sexsmith: Ah, the underappreciated Ron Sexsmith. This is a great track that emotes a feeling of being beat up but willing to come back the next day for more.
Song for the Myla Goldberg by The Decemberists: This is the first song I heard by the Decemberists, and it’s the one that caused me to really fall for the band. But it’s never made it onto any of my mixes. So now’s as a good a time as any to finally add it to my song list. And the lyrics, especially the tongue-twister “I know New York, I need New York I know I need unique New York” always makes me smile, especially when I sing along and get it right.
This is the Way by Devendra Banhart: An interesting song in which Devendra sings about his physical self. One thing about this broken leg, as well as the healing process, is how aware of my physical self I have become during this time. With that in mind, the track works really well here.
Radio Campaign by M. Ward: Hey, I’ve been into M. Ward since August, and I think I’ve had one of his tracks on each of my mixes since then. So here’s another one. Here he pleads, “come back, come back my little peice of mind…” As I sit here, leg aching and knowing that I couldn’t get up to visit friends, get food, or go to the bathroom without a big production, I really know how he feels.
Paper Thin Walls by Modest Mouse: after the more intellectual, introspective stretch of tracks, I needed something to change the tone a bit. I found this song on a whim and thought it was perfect. Do you remember when the Moon and Antarctica came out in, what, 2000? And do you remember how new and exciting the track was? I sure do, now that I’ve heard this song. Now the album is back in my iTunes rotation.
A King And A Queen by Okkervil River: There’s an element of melodrama to all of Okkervil River’s music, and it provides me with a feeling of catharsis every time I hear it. This slow, acoustic number is a perfect example. Did I mention that my roommate went to high school with the lead singer? I’m totally serious!
Sleeping In by The Postal Service: One thing I like about the Postal Service is the sense of calm the songs seem to bring in the face of apocalyptically bad news. This song is a perfect example: here the singer dreams that global warming was simply a reward for humans being so good to each other. “No we can swim every day in November,” the verse concludes. It’s definitely not something I’d want to maintain in my entire life, but while I’m healing it makes me feel just a little bit better.
Throwing Things (Acoustic) by Superchunk: I pulled this track off of Superchunk’s Incidental Music, a compilation of the band’s singles and b-sides from the early 1990’s. This is a wonderful acoustic rendition of the electric original, and can make me weep if I hear it at the right time.
Reconstruction Site by The Weakerthans: this is probably John Samson at his most melodic and fun. This great sing-along tune can help me see the bright side of just about any dismal situation.
The Ballad of Daykitty by Lou Barlow: Lou Barlow is so strange—his music can range from exploring the deepest, darkest emotions to just having fun. This track, which closes out Barlow’s Emoh release, is an example of his later line of songs, in which he sings of a cat who, after much flirtation, decides to come and live with him.
December 20, 2006
Broken ::
personal — tagged broken leg, cycling, family, friends, healing and injury
4:38 pm
Nearly two weeks have passed since I broke my leg while I was out biking. It may sound crazy to you, I know, the idea that I was out on my bike in 40 degree weather, at 8 AM before work. It may sound even crazier to you that I hit black ice and landed directly on my hip, cracking my hip bone and part of my femur. But that’s what I did. And if I told you that I had surgery the same day, and that for the past two weeks I’ve been recovering from a procedure in which an orthopedic surgeon placed an 18-inch rod along my femur in order to set the break, you might become so incredulous that I could sense it from where I sit. But that’s what’s happened.
The accident and the surgery sounds crazy, I know, which is part of the reason I woke up from surgery crying. It’s also the reason I’ve felt so emotionally overwhelmed over the thirteen days. The other reasons for the emotion include the help that friends and family have offered while I get better. I’m actually staying at a friend’s house right now, because she has only one stair and a walk-in shower. I can’t think of a time when I’ve felt more cared for, or more dependent on people. It’s a strange place to be in, a position I’m not altogether comfortable with, but I also realize I need these people around right now, so I’ll just have to accept it.
If you’re concerned about my current physical state, you shouldn’t be. I just had my first post-operation doctor’s appointment today, and they seemed happy with the way the break has stabilized, and they have told me I should start bearing weight on the leg. They told me this in spite of a rather scary-looking X-ray that depicted a splinter of bone that came off the site of the fracture. I shouldn’t worry too much about that, they say, it’s a normal part of the healing process. And the pain is something I should work through at this point. I find much of this hard to believe, especially when I think about waking up at 3 AM, stiff and having to pee, feeling like nothing has changed since the time I woke up from surgery. I’ll just have to take the doctors at their word that I am in fact healing, and move forward.
I’ll try to post X-rays at some point that show the break as well as my new hardware. That will at least support my assertion on the operation. As far as everything else is concerned, you will just have to take my word for it, I suppose.
